Is this existential loneliness?

"Unakku thaan, unakku thaan, boomiyil porandhen!" As I listened to this line from a Tamil song today, I literally swallowed back a sob. It has always been easier for me to express myself in writing rather than speaking. Right now, what I am feeling is some kind of loss, but I don’t know how I can feel the loss of something I never even had in the first place. I’m not sure if anyone else could relate to this because I’m not entirely aware of what I’m talking about either.

I feel very lonely right now. I have people around me constantly, and today, not a single second was spent alone. I’m in my room with my roommates, yet I didn’t really speak with anyone today. And, of course, even if I try, I can never articulate what I’m feeling verbally. Why am I lonely? I don’t know. I have so many things to be grateful for in life—I have amazing parents who give me the liberty to pursue whatever I want, an extraordinary sister who is my best friend, and I’ve always done well in the friends' department. I have a job, I’m okay. I should be content with everything I have.

But I definitely am not. I definitely cannot feel content. There’s this lingering thought at the back of my mind constantly, 24/7. I don’t know what to call this thought, but it’s been pushing and pulling me without a reason, without a purpose. It’s the same thing I wrote about earlier—the missing something phenomenon. I’ve always been surrounded by love and affection from family and friends, and even from myself, but it still doesn’t feel sufficient.

You know that saying about having the whole ocean, yet not a single drop to drink? I feel something like that. Even with all the love and care I’ve received so far, I still don’t feel loved enough. At least not enough to quench my thirst. I’m at the point now where I’m questioning if this feeling will ever change. I used to wonder, “When am I ever going to feel loved enough?” but now it’s, “Will I ever feel so?”

I know I keep writing about this, but I’m sorry—I have no one to talk to, and I just want this all recorded somehow. This yearning and longing for something eternal, something that will make me feel reassured to the point where I stop doubting myself and everything around me—will this ever stop? Can someone tell me if I’m getting any closer to finding this?

You could have everything in life, but if you don’t feel loved enough, none of it really matters. Personally, love is the most superior emotion; it keeps us going, it keeps us swimming, it keeps us from quitting or giving up—it gives us hope. But when you think about it too much, you start questioning the whole "hope" concept, because, as we all know from the Pandora’s Box theory, hope was the last emotion left in the box, and it could be the worst of all. Hope makes you keep wanting something that might never be accessible to you. I know this doesn’t make much sense, and as usual, I’m jumping from one topic to another with no real connection. If you feel like reading this was a waste of time, then I apologize. But I just want to know—can someone tell me if this soul-crushing yearning will ever stop? Will I ever be content in life, glad for what I have, and feel the kind of love that makes me smile every morning I wake up because I get to love and live with this person for another day?