Between Sighs and Smiles

My social battery just hit the dungeons. I'm sitting on the terrace of my PG, at least the breeze is chill and good against my skin. There goes a flight, far away I see it's lights twinkling, a small vessel to my eyesight, yet holding hundreds of people in it, all with millions of memories, dreams, wishes and thoughts. Oh, the way my mind just wanders, let's bring it back to my social battery. What happened? This time, the answer is genuinely "nothing". I ain't faking it to avoid talking about it. It really is nothing. Or in other words, "everything". Choose whatever you want to. 

Do you also have those days? Those days where you feel your absolute worst self? Like you feel sad, unavailable, questioning your existence? Today was that kind of day to me. I don't think I need to say anything further, because we are living in the same world and I can only assume you all know about the existential crisis. Leaving out a heavy sigh right now. Oh that reminds me of the Bridge of Sigh-ing in Venice, how I would love to be sitting across that bridge right now, with a friend or lover, sipping- I would like to say "wine" but I don't take any form of alcohol so let's decide to stick with "coffee". 

For such a person who is in love with traveling like none other she personally knows, I've not traveled anywhere at all. I don't know when I will start my traveling the world journey, but if there is one thing I'm sure about doing in this lifetime, it's traveling the world because I don't want a giant penthouse or a private jet or to run a million dollar business venture, no, I simply want to see the world, every look and corners of it if I may. I know it's easily said than done, but that is the beauty of a challenge, right? 

Usually, I use the ChatGPT to improvise what I wrote, you know, to check the grammar and change a few words to more posh ones, but tonight, I'm just gonna post this. I know I haven't made any sense, there hasn't been any core idea behind this blog, no conclusion whatsoever, but this is how an unfiltered human thought flow works. And if I can't let that flow out in my own blog, then how will I ever open up to someone in person? 

So many questions and problems are staring right at my face, and all I have right now is that "painful smile". I know at times life can be haunting, making me feel like nothing I'm doing is enough, but I've to stick with myself, right? I've to be lenient to myself, to my own feelings and emotions. Like how it is said in the Inside Out 2, I gotta let myself feel all the emotions, and despite the overwhelming sadness or anger at times, I am a person who genuinely chooses joy and optimistm, and I promise to myself now that is how it always will be. I'll be fair to myself.